Andy's mom is struggling with her mom's impending death. Her feelings about afterlife ring true to my heart. I have been struggling writing a post about the effects of death twelve years removed. There's so much pain in death, and hope of afterlife that sometimes you struggle with life and being able to live.
I've been able to grow personally over the past twelve years, the most profound in the few years following Mike's death. First, there was denial, holding in every emotion about it until one day it exploded. Then learning how to deal with emotions of death, and finally accepting them. There's always days where the denial bubbles up. You see a face, hear a voice, and quicky turn to see disappointment. Or, the happy dream quicky fades as my eyes open in the morning.
Then there's the little weird reminders. Two weeks ago, the batting order for our softball team read, "Mike, Danny, Rob." It was exactly out my Dad would call our names, gathering us into the car, oldest to yougnest.
It's not the death that's tough. That pain goes away relatively quickly. After a death, it's struggling with living that's tough.